Sis & BIL: My Memories

I’ve blogged about it before, but I feel the need to do so again.

My sister says she’s not a good story teller, yet I’m enchanted every time she puts up a post recounting her childhood memories. She lived in a different world than I did. Ultimately we have very little in common. She is 15 years older than me and growing up I have very little and vague recollections.

She left for college when I was a toddler and didn’t even speak. I don’t remember her living with me. She tells me that after college she did come and live with us before she moved back up to the Bay Area where she still resides. My memories of her are only of visits.

She would sleep on the couch pull-out bed and we’d watch Beverly Hills 90210 back when I was too young to watch it, against my father’s wishes. She’d let me comb her hair, something she doesn’t remember letting me do.

During one of her visits, maybe it wasn’t a visit at all, she took me to the library (and we have video that TEO shot of us going and coming back to prove it). I think I was the one who discovered the video, or was it a book?, about the way the human bodies work. About puberty. I don’t remember what I “learned” at that point, but I know that it caused friction at home. TEO and I think my dad thought I was too young to learn about this (I’m guessing I was 6 or 7 at the time).

One time she took me to the Los Angeles Zoo with her friend Aileen and I think it was Aileen’s nephew. Another time, after she had met her future husband, they took me to Magic Mountain. The memories of this trip are a bit confusing as I don’t know if they are honest ones or if they are derived from the pictures. I can, however, almost picture myself in the moment. Getting went after going on one of the rides, which one I don’t know, and having to take my shirt off. It was fine, I was little. It was almost as though my Sis was trying out her potential husband with me. Would he be a good dad? A good man? I think he passed the test.

Many of the memories I have are from home movies. Her college graduation (did we go to her high school one?) in Berkeley. My aunt and uncle came from Argentina and were present. There were many of us in one small apartment. She was younger than what I am now. So much more sophisticated, smarter, prettier.

I sit here trying to bring up memories of her but I can’t. They don’t seem to exist.

Later, when I was older and she and BIL were married, I’d visit them. At first I’d go for a week at a time (and that sometimes proved to be 5 days too long). She would take me places around the Bay Area that I had never seen before, putting up with my whining and complaining about how much better LA was than San Fran! Those memories blur together, though, because there were many many trips like those. Dozens, I’d have to say, over the years.

As I got older the trips became different but still enjoyable. It was my BIL that took me to my first Backstreet Boys concert back in August 1998 (wow! 11 years!). They would take me to many different restaurants of different countries. I hated Indian and was resistant to just about all of them. I grew out of that, though.

I hope that I give Mika and Camila as nice memories as I have from being with my sister.

I don’t remember the first time I met my BIL. My sister tells me that I hid behind her legs, as I often did when meeting someone new. Did it take me long to warm up to him, probably not too long. He became like a “regular” big brother to me. Many times he was the sibling I was closest to. He would be there for me when I needed someone the most.

After that concert he took me to, I would call him many nights and just talk to him about anything and everything. I would tell him what the latest was on the Backstreet Boys or my favorite TV show at the time. He would listen to me without complaint (at least to me). When I would visit them in their small 2 bedroom apartment in Richmond he would play with me and bring me presents.

Going to their house was mostly to escape the fights and arguments that were constantly taking place at home. One specific time my Sis and BIL were having a pretty big argument causing me to grab a blanket and get up and leave. I couldn’t have been more than 9 at the time. I went around the back of their building which had a few benches and some basic grills. I wasn’t there long before BIL came to get me. I don’t know what we said or why I finally came in, but I did. At that time, or maybe it was another, I remember hiding in their bathroom (the sink was separate from the toilet), the door locked. BIL laid down on the ground (assume) in the outer bathroom and started flicking coins at me from under the door. He’s always been good at making me smile and laugh.

He was the first person I told about my HPV and the only one that didn’t judge me, and never does. He gives me advice when I need it and listens when that’s all I need him to do. He asks me how I’m doing and asks how he can help me with anything I might need.

I am very rarely, if ever, mad at him. He’s not perfect, but he’s a great brother-in-law and I wouldn’t trade him for anyone!

The Obstacles of Testing

Waking up wasn’t an issue. Getting there on time was no big deal. Parking was easy peasy (even if we had to pay $7.50 for parking! Rip off!). The guy sitting next to me in the waiting room? Totally hot.

The employees? Rude and annoying! I know it can be frustrating to deal with people trying to take a bunch of different tests at the same time. You have to answer their questions and deal with their attitudes. The only thing is… it’s your job! When I work I have to deal with tiny kids and their issues everyday. You chose the job – deal with it! Simple as that. Don’t take it out on the poor saps that have to take these stupid tests.

I was the second or third person to arrive, the doors still closed to Suite 601. I sat on the floor and turned my phone to silent. It wasn’t much later that they decided it was time to open up. The man, Ray, asked us what tests we were taking. GRE takers had to write in cursive a statement (I had to be creative near the end as there was no space left) and turn that in before giving them our ID’s. Other people there were taking the MCATs, they had a different check-in process.

After checking everyone in they registered people and sent them one by one to a different room that had the computers for testing. Although I was one of the first people there, others were sent to their tests before I was. Luckily it wasn’t too much longer that I had to wait. Once we were sent to the computer we were able to start the test.

They offered one break of 10 minutes but I didn’t want to take it. I wanted to just be done with it. It ended up being pretty short and to the point. They say it’s a 4 hour test, but I was done within 2 hours or so. Taking the test, it went by really quickly. I was done before I knew it.

At the end of the test they give you the scores: 510 in Quantitative and 590 in Verbal. I THINK that the Verbal score is high enough to get me past this step and so I can register for the rest of my classes.

This means I must start looking at the classes I need (two more), when they are taught, and you know, all the extra money that I will have to pay. Hopefully the classes won’t be full.  Right now there are 5-6 seats left in the three classes I could take. I need two of them. We shall see about that.

Test Ready & Cart Bump

I did very minimal studying this week. It basically consisted of me taking practice tests and doing well on them (70% and up). I decided I didn’t need to stress myself over it any longer.

Tomorrow I shall wake at 6am and head there at 7 and we shall see how it goes. That will be the beginning to my very long day. The test is 4 hours (and it’s timed so I don’t think I can actually leave before the 4 hour mark, but maybe) – so I should be home, I’d say… by 1-1:30. Then some rest before heading to Total Woman at 5:30. Kimberly will be there at 6 and the class is at 6:30. I figure I should be there earlier to register and all that good stuff. Then after the class (which lasts 50 minutes) I will see about showering there (private? or public showers? Eek!) and then off to dinner with Matt and some bowling* or other such thing. More Mini-Golf* maybe.

This afternoon mom, dad, and I did a round of grocery shopping. At our second stop we were about to turn into a parking space by the door to TJ’s when a cart came fuming at us. It was really mad for some reason (aren’t most carts, I mean – they are mistreated!) and bang! Straight into the side of my dad’s car (passenger door). We didn’t think it would have done much, but we were mistaken.

It sort of went in slow motion and we saw a young (9 years old) girl going away from where the cart had come from. Not running away from it, but taking another cart toward the Smart & Final next to TJ’s. When dad parked and we got out we saw a vertical dent about 6 inches long. Quite obvious. Now, the car isn’t in perfect condition (scratches and such around) but this is a bit over the top even for this car.

The girls father was nearby (they ended up being from Uruguay) and my dad got his information. Had it been a little scratch they would have let it go, but this was quite the dent. A lot more damage than what my car received from the fender bender a week ago.

Card & Board Games

Growing up I remember going to the park across the street from my house to play while my mom and brother, or mom and dad, or dad and brother would play Scrabble.

I couldn’t wait to be older so I could play Clue with them, and then once I reached the proper age – no one wanting to play anymore.

I wanted to play Monopoly but everyone moaned at how long a game it was and that it was boring.

I would play Trouble with my sister while she was having dialysis done when I was little. Or maybe it was some other thing she was having done. I was little. Maybe it wasn’t me playing at all, but I did… at some point, play.

There were times that Twister was played, Mastermind was popular for a while, Rummikub, some other card games But, mostly, by the time I was old enough to play a lot of these games, everyone else was done playing them. Too tired, too busy, too old. An excuse was/is always found.

Some games, usually card games, were welcomed every once in a while, though. Games that they played in Argentina: La Podrida, Carioca, and Truco. Games my aunt Gladys taught me (I think) – Russian Bank, which we called “stop”. We still play, but as time goes on more and more infrequently.

Other games were played as well, mostly Uno.

These days, though, any games played are usually on the computer and solitaire games. The family argues too much to play games together. There is no “family game night” as one of those companies tried to sell to consumers in order to produce more sales. As far as the majority of my life, there never was. It’s sad. It makes me sad.

When I went to visit my Sis and BIL I would play games or at the very least laugh as they played and competed against each other. Since Mika and Camila were born, however, time evades us and playing games is left for “another night” which rarely ever comes.

I like to play games. I like to get something out and just play for a few hours.

When I have my own family I will set aside a time for game playing. First with just the two of us. Then, when appropriate it will be everyone able to.

Mika is just about getting old enough to play. We got her Monopoly, her favorite form of the Littlest Pet Shop. Still, I think, she’s a bit young. Beyond that, there is no atmosphere with the other girls around. They all want to join, but they are definitely too young.

At Target I finally bought Uno again. This time in a nice box with a dry-erase board to keep score. I also bought a Rummy-type game called Phase 10. I haven’t played it before, but if it’s along the lines of Rummikub, but without taking up all the space, or at least without those damn chips, it might be better. Plus, it only cost $5. The issue now is to find someone to play with. Maybe Mika, when I’m with her (I taught her War back in April and she enjoyed it). Beyond that? Maybe some friends. Maybe some guy, some day.

Update:

One day I finally got my dad and TEO to play Phase 10. It was fun, if not complicated. There was an issue with how the game ends. The instructions are someone unclear and the way they have it – the end of the game seems unfair. I still need to investigate a way to end it so that it’s fairer (and so TEO doesn’t complain when she looses again).

The shortage of games and time continues, however.

Bugs & Bites

Every once in a while I get a bunch of bug bites. What kind of bugs? No idea. But the bites itch and they get red and big.

Bed bugs? Mosquito’s? Dunno. I never see them in action, just feel the resulting aftermath.

Before, with my old bed, I would have very well though they were bed bugs that had invaded. But now? I have a new mattress! How could there be bugs in my NEW mattress? I don’t have pets, so no fleas from there.

However, the girls have a cat (and a rat). They might have brought fleas. Except, the bug that I discovered today was not a flea. It was skinny, long, had 3 sections – sort of looked like a giant ant. I let it crawl on me all the way downstairs so that my mom could see it, but she couldn’t recognize it either.

Google failed me at finding a picture that is similar to what I found.

I have six bites and Nikki has one: on her face!

To me they look like mosquito bites… but I haven’t seen a single mosquito in my house or anywhere else I’ve been.

Update:

I haven’t had any as of late, the old ones are still healing somewhat.

I discovered a bug, similar to the first one, again. You can see them over in my Flikr account.

If more bug bites appear, be sure I will post them!

HPV & Me

I wrote this post on Friday before I got the call from KP about my HPV results. I was hoping this post to be a happy one, but it ended up not being so. However, since I did write it, I figured I’d post it to keep it for posterity.

Sometime during the summer of 2008 I had a physical done complete with blood work and pap smear. It was taking a long time for the results to be posted on KP’s website. Since it was taking so long I decided to call my doctor and ask about it.

I got a call back and, well, she gave me the news. I was devastated. At first I was in shock and had no idea how it would affect me. The girls were here and I was crying uncontrollably, which is hard when a 6 year old keeps asking what’s wrong and really wants to know. What do you say?

I dealt with it, somehow. Daniel helped me.

Last week Wednesday I went back to KP for the follow up pap smear. I was only expecting the pap smear (from what a letter from the nurse had said) but I indeed got the HPV test as well.

She said it takes a week to get the results.

BP & The Place I Want Not To Go

Although my BP wasn’t HIGH, it was borderline when the doc took it manually today (the machine had it at a good rate).

But I refuse to go off BC. I cannot handle the pain. There was talking of starting me on an IUD because that might be better than a pill. That option is for the future, though. I’m not looking to have something stuck in me, at least not right now.

Instead I shall go back on Yasmin as my BC (starting Sunday) and try to deal with my BP as it comes. In 2 months I’ll go back to see Dr. B and do another BP check.

If my BP remains high then the only option while staying on BC is to be put on BP meds to lower it. That’s not something I want to do. At least not at 25. And so I’ve come to a decision that I must go to the place I want not to go.

The Gym.

I tried Bally’s Summer 2008 and it lasted for a month before I gave up. Mostly because I was way too lazy to make my way there. I need the inspiration and even trying to get fit isn’t enough to push me to go. I didn’t mind BEING there, but getting ready and going – too hard for me.

Kimberly goes to Total Woman near the Northridge Mall. It’s a female only gym and there are a bunch of classes PLUS I can go with her. We can inspire each other to go and be fit. She’s been going for a few months, but as of late has slacked off, so I’ll also be an inspiration to her (or so I hope). She’ll guide me in the gym and what to do, so it’ll be nice. They also have a sauna and pool (and something else).

I’m excited about it.

The $32/month that it will cost will be even more inspiration to go and not waste the money.

Kimberly goes Mon, Tues, Wed, and Friday in the evenings. I can do that. Although, I think that when I start working I won’t want to wait until 5pm to go. I get off at 2:30, I’d want to go at that point so I don’t have to go home and then back out to the gym. We shall see.

Oh. Well, Monday’s I won’t be able to go because I’ll be taking classes. But that’s after the whole GRE thing this Friday.

Small Update

After all my whining last night about my bedroom I decided to make some changing as far as where I keep some of my clothes.

I had my jeans/pants in a drawer in Dresser #2, but the drawer is small and I had to shove them in there. What does shoving mean? It means I’ll only use what’s on top and I don’t look in to find something particular. That had to change. Dresser #1 has bigger drawers so I decided to empty one of them (which had junk clothes) and put the pants there. THEN I had the bright idea to put my skirts into the now empty drawer in D#2. I don’t have too many skirts and they don’t take up as much room as bulky pants (remember, no room in the closet to hang jeans or pants or skirts!).

Now everything fits much more nicely. I also took the time to go through the clothes hanging in the closet and move some things around so the dresses are hanging and not bumping into anything (and wow, I have a lot of dresses! too many of them are dressy, though – need more casual!).

Additionally, my new comforter (which cannot be on my bed anymore because of the HEAT) was stuffed into said small closet. It would unfold itself and thus make the small closet issue even worse. That was when I had another GREAT idea. My warm and cozy down comforter has been stored underneath my bed in its original packaging. Hmm. What if I put the new comforter in that packaging and put the nice stays-folded-warm comforter in the storage bench at the end of my bed (did I ever mention that I finally found one? I did! At Ross for $60!). It worked and now it’s all better (other than the new one barely fits folder in the bag and under my bed – oh well).

Thus my bedroom issues diminished somewhat. For now.

Birth Control = Necessity

(this might be TMI for some of you, so fair warning)

I don’t remember when I first started having difficult periods, but at some point they became horrible to deal with. I would be in excruciating pain for hours on end. I would take Aleve and it would do next to nothing to alleviate my painful cramps.

I would even have to spend hours in the nurses office or skip school entirely on that one day of pain. It was always just one day of horrible cramps, the others would just include changing my pad several times. Standing up after a long nights sleep would be the worst and many panties would have to be thrown out.

Then I decided to start Birth Control (BC). Sis started on BC for the same reason and it worked for her. Then there is the side effect of gaining weight. I didn’t care, if it helped me deal with the horrible pain I felt every month, I’d be just fine with some weight gain.

I went to see my wonderful Dr. L and the monthly near-death experiences came to a halt. Since January 2006 I have been blessed with easy and light periods. To make things even better I was then (about a year ago) placed on a BC pill that allowed me to only go on the placebo’s every 3 months; only 4 periods a year. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

In March I was in the lovely car accident and I began to notice that my Blood Pressure (BP) was quite high. The Diastolic number (the bottom one) would reach the mid-90’s, when it should be 80 or less. The other number was fine. I wasn’t sure the reason for it and we feared it had something to do with the new pain meds I was on. When I finally got to see my new wonderful Dr. B she informed me that BC causes high BP. Oh. Okay.

We decided to switch me back to the once a month period instead of the once every three months, to see if maybe THAT was the cause for the extra-high BP (that day in her office her manual assessment of my BP had it in the 90’s).

After I got home I thought maybe it would be a good idea to stop my BC all together for a month to see how my body responded to it.

Guess what? My BP has stayed low. Today, right after my evil, evil cramps I took my BP at a Rite Aid store and it was 86. I assume THAT was because of being stressed and in pain, but I’ll mention it tomorrow.

What I would like to happen tomorrow during my appointment is this: Go back on Yasmin (once a month) and not have any more evil horrible cramp periods. The question is: is it okay for my BP to be high while on BC since we know that’s the reason it’s high? Hopefully the answer is yes.

I do not want to go off BC. It is way too painful.

From what I remember from our last appointment the option that will be left is: loose weight and stay on BC.

Which I need to do anyway. But with this heat? Exercise? Not likely. The best method of exercise for me is walking. These days it stays in the 80’s well into the darkness making it not the smartest thing for me to do.

I’ll just have to wait until the summer subsides (October hopefully, maybe if we have a miracle, September). August is usually the hottest month of year, here.

How hot is it? It’s too hot to go swimming, that’s how hot.

Tomorrow I’ll update on decisions made.

The Need To Blab – Bedroom Style

I feel the need to just type and write what is on my mind, today is: my bedroom!

I want to say that I’m organized and my room is always spotless, but then I’d have to call myself a bit fat liar, too. My room is usually a slight mess. You can see the ground, but not everywhere. There is walking room, but there are places where you can’t stand (where you should be able to stand).

I’m usually okay with it and the only problem I have with it is hearing my mom whine and complain and tell me how horrible my room is and how damn lazy I am.

But I’m not completely okay with it ever, and sometimes I’m not okay with it at all. I’ll get into moods that I want everything clean and organized and for every little tiny thing to have it’s own place. However, my room is just about the size of a shoe box. It’s rectangular, one wall is a window,, the other the door and closet. The other two walls extend across the room and they are all (including the inside of the door) covered with fugly wood paneling. (as I wrote that I get the feeling I’ve bitched about that before).

The paneling, which also existed in my living room bedroom when I was younger (in a previous home), make the room look even small than what it is. If I could change the color of my walls, or hang things in a nice manner (because with these I can only poke push pins in the spaces between the panels) – my room might actually feel larger. I put a white piece of cloth across one of the walls – trying to extend the look of the room. Maybe it works, maybe not. I’m not quite sure.

But I digress, that’s an issue that can’t be changed – no matter what.

I have two dressers. One just wasn’t enough for me since my closet is just about 2 1/2 feet wide. I don’t have doors on my closet because they just don’t make them that small. Instead I have a curtain (which is brown to match the brown panels, you know) and it never stays put across the closet so you always see a bit of the mess that it is in there (my only real storage area!).

The first dresser has my TV on top of it (a 32″ LCD) and holds clothes that I am not currently wearing. It has my DVD player inside (which isn’t connected to my TV at the moment) and some other random stuff that just found its way there. The second dresser holds the clothes I wear. My PJs, pants, two drawers for shirts, and then my undies/bra/sock drawer on top. The drawers are usually all spilling over. The top of the dresser holds make up, hair supplies, candles, a lamp, and currently – lots of crap.

That crap usually ended up on my desk. I don’t have a desk anymore so these things have found a new home – the top of the dresser. I don’t like this. Not at all. The desk, I could stand it because I didn’t use it all that much. When I needed it clear I would clear it and just use it, but it would fill up with crap for a week or two or a month and I’d be okay. I can’t let that happen with the dresser.

But how do I stop it? My room is so difficult to navigate because there is very little space to move. The bed takes up 3/4 of the room and there is no piece of furniture I can get rid of to make the room bigger and easier to move around in.

Basically: I have too many things.

My clothes have taken control – but there is none I can get rid of. The clothes that are too small might fit again (if the thyroid med helps me loose weight). I’ve gotten rid a ton of clothes, so I’m not completely overloaded, but there is just enough to make it hard.

Albums/DVDs/trinkets. These things have taken over. I want my room to be more than just a place of storage and sleeping. I spend A LOT of time in my bedroom – it’s my home. I want it to be nice, but when these things are just THERE and have nowhere else to be, it’s hard. I have eliminated many, many of the trinkets I would one day like to have displayed and stored them underneath my bed (something that just became available to me with the new bed).

One shelf of my bookcase has been assigned for paper/pencils/pens and other desk-type supplies since the desk is finite. Which is great, except that it isn’t pretty looking – it’s gross storage looking.

What I must do is: get a bunch of storage boxes and just put them full of my shit and just banish it to the garage (if my mom allows me, because THAT is overflowing with other crap, too).

But what do I store and what do I keep? Albums? those can go away. They are nice, but I don’t look at them. They can stay hidden and I’ll check them out when I move and have somewhere to put them. DVDs! Those can go away too, but I’ll keep the ones I think I might watch sometime soon. Maybe with those eliminations there would be some relief.

I have too many things and none of it can be thrown out (or given away). They just need to be store and there is no storage room in this house.

Which, I guess, leaves the last option of me moving out. that would create space for my mom (kids room? storage?) and would allow me to have a place to myself where I can put my things and be myself! Even a studio apartment couldn’t be smaller than my current living quarters.

But that’s not gonna happen.

Taking a trip through realtor.com to see what rent prices are… the cheapest in Chatsworth? Sadly, the place my brother is trying to rent out at $1275!  That’s a 2 bedroom, 2 bath.

In a nearby town, West Hills – it gets as lows at $750/month. I make roughly $1600 a month. $300 for my car, $40 for my phone, and then, of course, there is the whole summer of being unemployed part of it all. Or that the $1600 can be $500 in December and January when school is short because of winter break.

So renting a place, right now, is just NOT in the cards. I think that if I could get something for $400 a month I would be able to do it.

But rather than renting I’d like to buy something. I don’t want to put money into the pockets of strangers, rather pay it so that it will be mine! The cheapest home in Chatsworth is one that is like the one my brother is renting out and it’s going for $140K (80K more than what my brother paid for his 13 years ago). In other areas, one bedroom places are going for somewhere up of $65K. But these are usually in areas that are not the best and I wouldn’t feel safe living in them. The first one that seems acceptable is $82K.

So we shall have to see how it turns out.