An Update… Hopefully

I just came home from saying goodbye to the girls. I’m a bit emotionally tired from that. But I feel the need to blog, if not for anything other than to get a grip on things.

I wrote that first paragraph a few hours ago. I was trying to type in piece. Spend some time without seeing or hearing them. I took the air mattress and put it in between the bed where TEO was and me (on the couch). Apparently this was a big ‘no-no’ for TEO. She began a tantrum! I can’t even tell you what the whole thing was about. She had been staring at me, it bothered me. I was stressed and I didn’t want her looking at me. Hell broke loose.

For the past two hours or so. I ended up bawling. Just bawling. I laid in bed with my mom. The problem was that there was no place for my dad to lay if I was on the bed. She continued to bitch and bitch. First it was one thing, then it moved on to another. She’s been yelling and bitching and screaming for hours. So much so that I’m scared for my dad. I’m scared that he’s going to have a heart attack. He just suffers from it all. She is killing him. Completely. He told her, thatn when he dies, she can be sure that it is her fault that he did. Thank you, dad, for saying that to her.

I could type for hours about what an ass TEO is. How she has made my life a living hell. How because of TEO my parents have reduced me to being the extra thing that can go and sleep on the floor. This time I am on an air mattress but I remember during one trip, I’m not sure where it was to, but I had to sleep on the actual floor. I only had a pillow and a sheet. Nothing else. For those of you who have read a bit, you know that I have chronic upper back pain. So sleeping on the floor only makes it worse on me. An air mattress isn’t all that better, either.

I’m so emotionally and mentally wiped out. It’s been 24 years of living with this person who argues about anything and everything and makes everyone’s life a living hell when you are around her. Even when you’re not, sometimes.

My mom and I (and maybe my dad) have noticed that she is obsessed with my relationship with Daniel. She has mentioned him uncountable times during this trip. She’s jealous that I have someone who cares about me and she doesn’t. She’s jealous that she is a dried up all rag at 36 and I’m young, alive, and healthy. Well, fuck you, TEO. You don’t deserve anything. Why do you think no one will go out with you.

Sometimes I feel bad and sad for her. That she is so pathetic, but then days like today (and really the entire weekend) happen and it makes me forget all about those feelings. She doesn’t deserve anything. She deserves to be ignored and to have no one care for her anymore. Of course, that won’t happen anytime soon.

Now here’s something you all don’t want to hear, but I have to type to keep for prosperity. I’m lying in bed with my mom. I might have my arm around her, hugging, or a leg between hers, or holding hands – something like that. She’s in the other bed, sitting, while my dad is laying, trying to calm her donw. All of a sudden she says “it stood up” – and my dad was like “what are you talking about”, and I wasn’t looking toward their direction at the time, but I assume she pointed and said “that”. My mom confirmed to me that it was that area in which a daughter should never talk about with her parent unless it is for medical problems, and even then as infrequently as possible. My mouth is still hanging open.

Okay, it’s 11:30 and we have our drive tomorrow. I’m going to try to go to sleep (I got the other laptop – which is also mine – working). Oh. Before I forget. She tried to use MY laptop. My MAC laptop. Uh? What on God’s green earth would make you think that after bitching and bitching for 2 hours I would let you use my computer? What? You really are dellusional. My dad threatens her a lot (police, phychiatric holds, etc) but he never competes his treats… so they are empty. I wish one day he followed through. At least so he doesn’t die prematurely because of her.

I’m out, good night!

Almost Time To Go…

It’s Sunday early afternoon and we got back not too long ago from a day out. All of which I’ll try to blog about while driving home tomorrow.

My dad decided he wanted to take the 1 down back to LA (aka PCH = Pacific Coast Highway). This takes 3-4 hours longer than taking the 5 up and down. But it’s a much prettier trip as it goes along the coast for the most part. We’ve also decided to go to the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose since it is on the way to PCH.

I have taken a bit of pictures, not too many because I want to save some for the trip home and the battery is nearly dead. I’ve done my best, though!

Today we’ll pick up my bro-in-law’s birthday cake (today is his 41st birthday) and then we’ll have a “party” at their house before saying goodbye for the trip. We’re going to say goodnight tonight instead of tomorrow morning so we can get going early and so that it will be easier for them – or at least we think it will be.

Alright, that is all for now!

Different things.

Like I said, I’ll post about the actual weekend later on when I have the time. But there were a couple of things I did want to mention.

TEO has been doing a lot of bitching about our shared Family Plan from Verizon. We share 700 minutes. I usually use the majority of them and if we go over I always pay for the additional minutes. TEO, though, wants me to pay HER for any minutes over the ones that are alotted to me by dividing 700 by 3. I’m tired of it. Tired of hearing it. SO? So I decided that I’m going to go ahead and forget about it. I’m going to go to Verizon when I get back (to the Simi store where Daniel went) and see if I can shut out my line of the family plan (there are 3 plans total, but for a family plan you only need 2, so this SHOULD be fine). I’ll open up my own plan and get a new phone (the Voyager like Daniels’) and be done with it.

I’m excited about it. I’ll be paying a bit more, but I’ll have my own line. So that’s what’s good. Also – if I do end up having to divide the 700 by 3, then that would be 233 minutes, compared to the 450 that I could get on my own. So I’ll watch my minute use, but it shouldn’t be a problem. I only used 360 this month. So it would be $39.99 for 450 minutes, plaust $10 for texts. So $50/month for me. $20 more than now. A bit much. We’ll see.

Written in the Car

So I wrote this in the car on the way to my sisters house. That was the big secret that I didn’t mention in case they read this. Anyway – later, hopefully, I’ll post what happened over the past day or so – but it’s hard while I am with them. Enjoy, and check back for more later on.

Friday, August 29, 2008.
11:29am

The day started as awful as could have been expected – since it began with TEO. But I’ll rewind a bit before that.

I woke up by my phone ringing. Who was calling? Daniel. I answered, happy to have him calling me – but he wasn’t on the other side! I was listening to the news and then flipping of channels. Apparently his phone hadn’t locked and it called me. It was 6am. It hung up and I called him right back. He was very apologetic of waking me up, but I felt good. I was happy to get his call. We chatted for a bit before I got up and headed downstairs.

My mom was awake, of course, and made me my hot chocolate (yes, I am taking advantage of living at home and her willingness to make it for me ). I laid back down since no one else was up. I looked at all the blogs of my BlogRoll and then headed to shower. (BTW: in my old blog I mentioned how I’ve been having an issue of this one little patch on the top of my head that even after showers, it stays oily!).

We finally headed downstairs (to the garage). My sister began to do her normal bitching. For one reason or another. When she got to the garage she started bitching because mom put a cooler in the middle of the back seat (between her and TEO). This had two reasons. One, because it was carrying the yogurts for TEO, and 2, because she didn’t want TEO to lay down on top of her. So TEO through a hissy fit and ran back into the house slamming things. She came back out… almost got into a fist-fight with dad. My mom took the cooler and emptied it out on the floor (go her!) unfortunately she then picked them up and put them in the fridge. So now there was no cooler between them, but TEO continued to bitch because now her yogurts weren’t there. Dad, of course, had to fix all that and give in to her.

Whatever. I traveled in the front seat for the first half of the trip (as I type this we’re in the second half). We stopped at McDonalds for lunch and TEO decided that she not wanted to go in the front seat, so we switched. Fine with me. So now I’m leaning against the door, laptop on… well, my lap, and just relaxing (as much as I can). She has not stopped talking/yelling since we got in the car. It’s been constant. Now, this isn’t a surprise. This is how she is and always has been and always will be.

Other than her, it’s been decent. My back hurts quite a bit. I took a couple of tylenol – but they haven’t helped.

Woo Hoo! Tailgaiting and sleep!

If you go over to my teacher’s blog you’ll see the entire thing – but LAUSD approved me to be placed on the Sub list for the upcoming year! This means SOOO much. I’m going to have to cross post this, but what the hell.

Those of you who don’t live in California, well, know how the US is in an economic crisis/recession? Everything going wrong with the budget? Well, California is in deeper poo-poo. We don’t have a budget. It hasn’t been passed. But what has been proposed by our Governator would mean a 500 or so million dollar cut to LAUSD’s (and by LAUSD I mean Los Angeles Unified School District) budget. What does this mean? That they don’t have the money to hire new teachers. They are sending away preliminary teachers (those in their first 2 or 3 years of teaching) and placing administrators and coaches back in the classroom. What does this mean to a newly credentialed teacher?

No jobs. It’s not just LAUSD either. It’s all the local districts. It’s private schools too (as other teachers with more experience are eating up those positions). I was also told that LAUSD was NOT hiring substitutes. Actually, a fellow teacher at HLC who has been on the sub list was told that she will not longer be on the list. I’ve been applying to the sub unit for months. But nothing. I was told at least nothing until norm-day, which is sometime in October. But thanks to a great new principal (we’ll call her LT, if I remember) I will be placed on a sub list.

Now – why did she do that? Because they need me to teach PE to the school. The ENTIRE school. Luckily another teacher (whom I’ve babysat for) will be doing it to start the year and hopefully I’ll be able to watch so that I can see how she does/what she does. I have that HUGE notebook of PE lesson plans, although they are for upper grades. I can alter them for the lower grades. Is this what I want to do? PE? No. Nope. Not at all! But it’s what got me in the door, right? So I have to do it. In addition to that, though, I can do regular subbing. Which is REALLY nice because it’ll be nice geting paid and a lot! Not just a little bit.

Okay – so I just looked up how much LAUSD pays for daily subs…? $173.04. A day. That’s about $28/hour. That’s really nice. I can see myself liking that very much. I can start doing a lot. Saving a lot and making sound purchasing decisions!

That’s enough about that, though.

Today was an interesting day. When I left work I checked my phone and I had a text from Daniel which was REALLY sweet. Too sweet, actually. I also had a text from Aurora. Hmm. I found out that she and he had spoken and spoken about me. I knew it couldn’t have come from nowhere. Of course, he didn’t tell me about the conversation he had with Aurora. I spent a good half hour on the phone with me telling me things about him/their conversation. But I wasn’t going to say anything to him about it. And I didn’t. Instead I was just happy to see him this evening.

I saw his parents again, which again, are really nice. Then we went to dinner at his friends house – April and Jason. They have a little one and another one on the way. (14 months apart they will be.) We had hot wings and corn. Very southern I think. I liked it – it wasn’t too spicy. Then we began to watch When Harry Met Sally, but we had to leave because I had to go to Wal*Mart and pick a few last minute things up before tomorrow.

Daniel and I talked. Okay, that’s not right. He spoke about his lack of enjoyment of PDA. That sort of… sucked. I’m not a HUGE PDA fan. No smacking out in line, but I’m talking about a gentle pat on the shoulder, a rub on the back, a gentle kiss. But apparently he can’t/doesn’t want/doesn’t like doing these things. That can become an issue. For me, anyway. He always uses that “you have to give me some slack because I haven’t dated in a long time” or that he was “hurt really badly in the past” excuses. Um. Good for you. Bad for you. But why do I have to deal with all of it and put up with it? Because I like him, yes. But for how long? For how long do I have to give up what I like to make him comfortable? When do I get something that I want. Of course he’ll say that I’m getting everything and he’s not getting anything. But that’s the lifelong thing, right? Or maybe I’m fooling myself and it should be better. I don’t know.

But right now I’m looking forward to this weekend. i’ll be in the car, and I’ll have my laptop. So although I won’t have the net, I’ll hopefully be able to open up and block in Neo and then post it once I get to a connection. So, until then, I bid you all farewell. Enjoy your weekend!

Dinner and Pictures!

There was more drama with Daniel. But I don’t feel like going into it now. I think it would only stress me out more (while sometimes it helps).

I got to the restaurant early and waited for Andrew. The place is in a non-descript shopping center with only Target and Mervyns as it’s major occupants.

I ordered the Steak Ceaser Salad… and boy was it yummy.  Mmmm!

I ate it almost all up!

We had good conversation. I’m not sure it’s the best to go out with him. It’s bad for him and for Daniel. So maybe just talking will be better. He starts school next week, so that will help, I think!

We decided on an Apple Tart thing! DELICIOUS! I took a picture of that too…

Mmm. Yum! I only had a little bit.

Tomorrow I have to go to my old work and then to downtown. For more information on that whole deal… read this and you’ll know all about it. I’ll leave work at around 11 (11:05 maybe) and head to H. Hopefully Deirdre will be there when I get there – I’ll say a quick hello and then head downtown to the main building. Hopefully I’ll be back quickly and before traffic starts up. Depending on what time it is I’ll head to the gym. Hopefully my feet will be okay. because they sort of still hurt. But I walk pretty well… so we’ll see. I’ll do some anyway. But if it’s late – I’m going out with Daniel so I might go to the gym late at night (they close at midnight). I’m getting up semi-early on Friday, but I can go back to sleep soon thereafter.

Anyway, that was the rest of my day.

I wanted to thank those of you who started to read and comment on my blog. It really means A LOT!

Movies in the Valley

I was born and raised in the San Fernando Valley. Okay, I lie. I wasn’t born here, I was born at UCLA. But at 2-3 days I moved from the hospital to Tarzana and have stayed within the Valley walls for the past 23 years. Almost 24 years. Seeing movies being taped around the Valley isn’t anything out of the ordinary. On any given day that we (the fam and I) would be driving somewhere we could spot the big movie trucks, lots of people moving around, and of course the catering bus to provide food for the workers.

I went to the local University in the Valley (Cal State Northridge) and saw lots of movies/TV shows being filmed there. They filmed both Legally Blond movies there, they shot that other movie… about kids in the future… going to a school… no idea what it’s called. I remember that one well because they built these two HUGE walls around our Oviatt Library and it was up there for a while. They also filmed some TV show that never made it to air (I think) with Gabrielle Union. I remember that one well because it was in the same building as the class I was taking (in Journalism) and we had issues in being able to make it to our classroom. Then we were also made to shut up because they were filming and apparently we were being too loud. What prompted all this?

My student for today called in sick so I didn’t end up going to work (or to get my car smogged, go figure) and so I took my mom to SuperCuts to cut her hair, 99cent store for random stuff and then the Dollar Tree for other random stuff. Well – lo and behold as I pulled up into the driveway of the shopping center where DT is – there are trucks, security guards, a food van and many people walking around. Of course there were also cameras and other expensive looking machines. There was a car with someone I imagine to be an actress inside it and a large sun shield over the front window. No idea who the chick was, though. No idea whether it’s a movie or a TV show (or a commercial or whatever else). The location is on Roscoe and De Soto at a Pharmacy (which I think is called De Soto Pharmacy) — Oh, look! I was right…

This isn’t an intersection I pass through often or that I shop at often. I only recently discovered the Dollar Tree in that shopping center. I usually go to a different one which is further away. But this one was on the way home. Being there, though, reminds me of years ago when I went out with a neighbor to help her watch her daughter while her father in law (or mother in law?) moved. I don’t know. But we (me and maybe a niece?) ended up going up to this pharmacy. I have some memory of walking to the back of the store to get drinks. Looking it up online, now, I see that they have a soda fountain and make sundaes. Old style. I think maybe, my next trip to the DT I’ll stop by there and check it out, at least.

Aha! My lame research has also produced information that this pharmacy was used in Matchstick Men (apparently Nicholas Cages’ character went in to shake down a pharmacist? No idea. Never seen the movie. I also found out that it’s been around for at least 40 years. I’ll try to remember to take my camera next time.

Andrew has confirmed dinner at the Buenos Aires Grill tonight. I’ve been craving meat, so hopefully I’ll get some tonight. Oh, online they show that they have a steak salad – and if they do, that’s what I’m getting. Mmm.

Have I mentioned that I hate our Internet connection? Once upon a time we had TimeWarner/RoadRunner Cable and all was good. My brother then convinced my mom to switch to the cheaper and less reliable AT&T DSL. For a while it was fine. Then it wasn’t. Then it was. Then it spent sometime disconnecting me ALL the time. I mean ALL the time. Then that got fixed. Now? Now everytime someone picks up our landline the Internet goes out. Which wouldn’t be too bad if it didn’t make me re-start my browser each time. It might have something to do with the power of the phones… but why didn’t we have this problem before? I don’t know.

For now this is all. But as you may have noted, I like to blog. It’s how I spill everything and stay (somewhat) sane. I’ll try to remember my camera tonight and take a picture of the outside of the restaurant and maybe even what I eat.

…Oh! One more thing! So the last time I went to BA Grill with Andrew (the day he fixed my car a month or so ago) our waiter was Mariano. I dated him… a while ago. Over a year. Maybe 2 years. We went out a few times. There was drama (when isn’t there) and I decided that it really wasn’t what I needed or wanted. Then I changed my number and he couldn’t get a hold of me. Last summer (I think it was) I went to watch a futbol game with my dad (Argentina vs. Brazil) at the restaurant and he was there. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. He never called, though. I didn’t really think much about it. I went to the restuarant since that point but I never ran into him again… until this last time (oh, I dated him a year and a half ago – after I broke up with Robert). Anyway, since Andrew doesn’t speak Spanish he was able to ask me for my number, and against any smartness that I may posess (and these words prove that) I gave it to him. Well – he called me that very night. But I was out with Andrew still. He has texted me and called – but I haven’t responded to him. So we’ll see if he’s there tonight. Andrew has no idea of any of it. Not that it matters – since Andrew and I are NOT dating. We are going out as friends. FRIENDS. So it’s not an issue. The issue is Daniel (who I AM dating). Either way – I told Mariano I was seeing someone. He’ll stink it’s Andrew – but that’s not my problem.

Enough is enough.

But apparently not so for me. I can’t move on. But I never have been able to. Nothing different with today.

I just had a mini-breakdown. Daniel tells me that I need medication. He has a way of turning things around… but… I don’t know. Something keeps me. What? What?

There’s that saying… No man is worth your tears, the one who is won’t make you cry. But is it true? I’ve seen my mom cry. I’ve seen my sister cry. I’ve never seen Dana cry… well, maybe, but she was in post-pregnancy hormones. But my brother still is an ass, yet I know they are meant to be (until they both figure out how crazy the other is).

I don’t know. Something. Keep going. Try. He talks me down really well.

When we’re together it’s good. We’ve been “dating” for 7 weeks. This is the longest I’ve gone without calling the other person my “boyfriend”. Impressive? I don’t know. Maybe. It’s a long time. We’ve survived. That’s quite a bit. I think.

I’m better now. Drinking some of my daquiri!

Pooped Out and Angry!!

I couldn’t get to sleep last night and didn’t end up going to sleep until midnight or so. I had to wake up at 7:30 to go to work this morning (by 9 – I know, I’m spoiled). Went to work for 4 hours. At one I got off. I was trying to help Daniel in getting directions to the restaurant where he was going for an interview. He got pissed and once again took it out on me. So I left.

He called me while I was in the car. Talked to him until I was almost at the gym.

Got to the gym, changed into my workout clothes and got onto the treadmill. I started walking – but my ankles were hurting. I figured this was because of my new sneakers. So I just kept on. then one of my toes on my right foot was hurting. Bad. I paused the machine and took off my shoe. It hurt. Took off my sock. The skin on the side of my toe was peeling! OUCH! I fooled around with my sock. There was something on it… and it was the cause. What was it? Not sure. Didn’t really care. I got back on the treadmill and set it for another 31 minutes (for a total of 50!). Soonthereafter the heel of my left foot began to hurt. But I kept going. I made it to the end of my workout. I went to the locker room and took my shoes off. My heel had bled and got my sneaker dirty. (No worries, I cleaned it at home).

I got home and once again tried to help Daniel to find the restaurant he was going to. I had to listen to him whining and complaining about everything. We were on and off the phone for an hour or two while I he walked to the restaurant.

The interview was short and he called back and let me know that he had gotten the job. He was excited about it! Then the call got disconnected and when he called me back he was not happy with the job. He was very upset that he had wasted all day to go there and then not want the job. I don’t know. He’s fucked up. So I had, from the get go when he got the interview last week, offered to take him and bring him home. This way we could spend time together and he didn’t have to worry about transportation (trains, walking, etc). He refused – wanting to do it on his own. Fine. Whatever. Now I offered to go pick him up. I told him I’d still pick him up. He said from Burbank – I asked why not from Santa Clarita? He said because he didn’t want to be there another second. I said okay. I was in the shower at the time and told him I’d call him back. I called him back and he said his parents were going to pick him up at Burbank. Well… he wasn’t going to make the first train out and so he’d now have to wait for the next train – an hour later. So… I said since you’re going to be there for an hour – why don’t I pick you up since you’ll have to wait. Oh, no – his parents must have left.

Whatever. Excuses. So I’m just so fucking tired of it. Aurora says that he’s always been dramatic. I think it’s one of those things – where you like the person, they are good, but there is that something that you can’t put up with and something you can’t change (and shouldn’t have to change). So I’m at a point where I’m not sure what to do. Do I stay with him? Do I keep going out with him even though we fight. Okay, I take that back – we don’t fight. He gets frustrated, starts getting angry, gets upset, yells at me and I end up apologizing. I don’t know. I don’t. It’s not that I don’t thinkt here will be someone else – Andrew is being very patient and going with the “friends” thing. Too patient, I think. Especially since I haven’t been completely sincere with him about the situation.

Just called him again. He’s “really pissed off” now. Of course the only person he should be pissed off at, is himself. He didn’t get directions. He didn’t accept offers to take him. So really, why be pissed at anyone but himself for being an idiot. So tired of it. I don’t know how he puts up with himself.

We were supposed to get together today. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. Fine. Whatever he wants. Tomorrow I’m going to go to dinner with Andrew (I think). So annoyed and sad right now. He makes me want to cry. He never seems to be happy. I ask him if he actually enjoys cooking, his answer is no. I think that he is suffering from depression and since he doesn’t have the money for medicine he is suffering without end in sight. I want him to stop complaining. Stop whining. Stop all of it.

Planning the Day and other nonesense

It is now 8:28pm on August 25th. It is 81 degrees. We had the AC on all day and it was still hot. The AC is off and the windows are open. It is still hot and I have the fan blowing. WE have been very lucky this summer, though. Two summers ago it was SO hot that I just about melted. My car did. FOUR times. My car melted this summer as well, but only once and I didn’t have to take it to the mechanic (thanks to Andrew). It’s been hot but not unbearably so. Still – I’m going to complain because it’s one of the things I do best, along with whining. Is there a difference?

My car is up for a smog check. More money to give away. I have a $10 coupon, but, give me a break. It’s not a real coupon. They hike up the price $10 and then give me a $10 coupon to make me feel better. I’m still spending $50 or so. I haven’t taken yet because of the heat. (Yes, I’m complaining). It’s too hot to sit in that garage while I wait for them to finish other cars and then smog mine. There is no place close enough that I am willing to walk to (the market is in the vicinity, but the heat is too much for that, plus I’m not a big goer to that place anymore). Alas, I have to do the smog test. Or I don’t have a car. Looking at the week ahead tomorrow is going to be the coolest. Tomorrow is my day for the gym.

So my planning dilemma comes along. I work from 9 to 1pm. I planned on going to the gym after work. Then I don’t know. Daniel possibly. But he’s not exactly sure of what he’s doing. I think he’s going to take the train into Santa Clarita. I don’t know if he’ll need a ride from me or not. I don’t know if he’s going to go to the gym or not. That’s part of the reason why I’m going to the gym after work. As far as that goes… I’ll take my gym bag to work. I’ll keep a cold water in the fridge there. I’ll change at the gym (I think? Maybe at work). Then I’ll go home and shower. I’ll push the smog test to Wednesday. I don’t work until 11 then, so if I get myself up early enough I can get there, smog it, and then head to work. Well, head home, change and then to work. If not I’ll do it after work. I’ll do it this week. It expires the 14th, I think.

Talking about the gym again… I think I’m going to go for an hour. I’m sort of afraid to do it. But 30 minutes went by really quickly the other day. I think I can do an hour. I’ll have to wait until I’m there to see what I actually put into the machine (the time I want to do it, I mean). I started with 10 minutes, went up to 30 minutes, so maybe 50 minutes? But that’ll be 55 after the cool down. So white not 60? I could always stop it if I’m not ready for 60 minutes, but isn’t it better to set it to 45 or 50 and finish it than set 60 and stop before it’s over? Right now my back hurts so I don’t even want to think about it (although I’m truly excited about it).

I saw in another blog someone start their weight-loss plan and post how much they weigh. I figured that  I might as well do this, too. I weighed in at 167 at the gym on Tuesday. I won’t weight myself again for a while. Unless my brother forces me to (in order to weigh Jonathan).

I was feeling very anxious today. Why? Not sure, but it went away. I made a decent dinner. Healthy at least.

Camila just called. Talking to her. Time for me to put the computer down!