I need to vent.

Just in general.

But I also need to be good and rave about the other stuff.

But I drank alcohol and I want to sleep.

Gonna sleep in.

Training at 2.

Gonna put the laptop on the desk for a while. GEt out of the fucking bed.

Okay girls…all..

I’m going to start a blog that is all about my teaching experiences – tutor/teaching/etc.

It’ll be here on LJ.

But I need a name! I need a cool, creative name.

So far? No ideas. SO HELP!

Annoying.

So for the past month or so I’ve showered normally – washing my hair and all… and this one patch of my hair, near the scalp – maybe about 2-3inches – it’s felt oily/greasy right after I shower and my hair dries. I don’t know why! I’ve changed shampoos and conditioners and it keeps happening. It’s really annoying. First off I thought it was just that I didn’t rinse my hair well. So I went off and showered again – same thing happened. I rub my hand against it and it smells like shampoo… so I don’t know. But I can be rinsing my hair badly for a month or so straight, each time! Especially when I pay attention to making sure that my hair is rinsed completely.

So yea, this is so freaking annoying. It makes me want to put my hair up in a ponytail because I feel dirty – but I want to have my hair down. *pout*

I have an interview this afternoon at 5pm for Huntington Learning Center. It’s for a tutoring position. The pay will depend on experience, but they say between $12-$15 an hour. Hopefully I’ll get the highter amount since I am credentialed. This will be good to add to my resume, though. I got a call from another location also about doing tutoring (and they pay $25/hour and have other things). The location of HLC is in Woodland Hills – so not too far, and a straight shot on Topanga, near a couple of malls.

I’m supposed to go out with Andrew after my interview. I’m feeling so… so… blah about the dating aspect of my life. I need to have a life. This is a problem. Hopefully something will go well for me. We shall see.

Earthquake!!!

We just had an earthquake – 5.8 in Chino Hills, but we felt it pretty strongly here.

I was holding Jonathan in our living room. Nikki had just run upstairs to find my mom. I yelled to make sure that she was safe.

Only one elephant statue of my moms fell and broke.

All else is fine.

Seriously?

I can’t really take it.

I’ve had more arguments with Daniel in the past 3 weeks of “dating” than I’ve had in relationships of 4 months.

So now, really, I’m done with it – but I’m in the “I don’t want to hurt him” phase.

Fuck.

I’ve been looking…

I’ve been looking for blogs written by teachers. I didn’t find too many. If you guys run across any, let me know.

I want to be “connected” and get advice, and things like that. Maybe it’s me just trying to be up about my job situation.

I’m tired…sleepy…cranky…blahness.

I’m so sleepy.

I’m so sad. I want to have a job.

Hello! :)

Hmm. What to talk about?

Not much going on, really.

Went out with Daniel last night and we went to his friend Aurora’s house. I had a good time. I really enjoyed spending time with her and thier other friend Deeana (or something of the sort). It was really nice.

It was an interesting evening because Daniel was in a weird mood. We had a discussion…. not really a fight – but it got semi-intense. He told me that right now he is scared of loosing me. Which puts a bit of pressure on me… and it left me unsure of what I want/need/cando/etc.

At the same time – I want to see him. I enjoy being with him, spending time with him, etc. So I think I’m going to go along with it for a bit. I don’t want to break up with him because he scared me. If I break up with him I want it to be for some concrete reason, which I don’t think this is.

He got ropped into working long hours… and so I might or might not be seeing him tonight. We’ll see.

I’m tired. Suddenly depressed.

Blah.

I’m in an ugly time.

I’ve been going to school for the past 20 years. Now the time comes to switch from being a student to being a worker. Finding a job is nearly impossible, if not completely. It might be just a matter of having patience until the school year gets closer and schools know what their needs will be… but it’s difficult to wait. To be patient.

I’m such an impatient person.

It, and by it I mean my mood, might also be that my back is hurting REALLY bad right now (took two tylenol) and also I haven’t been sleeping well… so I’m extra tired.

Daniel is depressed as well – he has it bad as far as hating his job and being in a tough place – the same as me.

Aren’t we a great match?

So I’ve come down to looking for other jobs. Just regular, no degree, no nothing, jobs that will at least give me some money. But my issue is that I don’t want to take a job, then get a teaching job or a subbing job, and then have to quit. I don’t think it’ll be good for me – learning and spending time somewhere and then having to leave it. It’s also unfair to them. So I think part-time work is the best thing… but I don’t know.

I’m exhausted. I want to sleep, but I want to talk to Daniel… he gets off work in half an hour. So I’ll sleep after that. He usually talks for only a few minutes before he goes to sleep.

I don’t know how he can work and go to school for so many hours. But it shows… he was talking about it and we both agreed – his body is wearing down from being up and on the go for so long. He’s up! Moving, working, cooking all day long – 7 days a week. That’s just NOT healthy. At all. He needs to have a change quickly or he’s going to be worn out completely. I don’t envy what he has to do, but I envy his strength in doing it all – you all know I couldn’t do it.

I didn’t get it.

I didn’t get the job.

Fuck.

I know, I know – there are plenty out there and I’ll get one… but…

I’m fucking depressed now.

Obsessions

My sister (better known as… the evil one) goes through periods where she is obsessed with something that will annoy the hell out of the rest of us. In the past few weeks it has been about the house lines. She bought a set of 4 phones for my dad for his birthday a couple of years ago – of course she “gave” me one of the four. She took that back a few weeks ago. So my mom has an old one in her room which I sometimes have in my room to answer or whatever else. Now she’s going around searching for the phone.

Then they get mad at me if I use too many minutes… well, I can’t use the phone at home. If I do my calls will be listened in on. And any phone I have in my room gets taken away by her. I mean, give me a break already.

I so wish I get this job so I can start on the moving out process. I need out of this place. I was just telling my mom about the whole issue and she overheard and came screaming at me. So I locked her out of my room. I mean – FUCK HER! I want her out of my fucking life for once and for all. I need to get out. I don’t want to be near her anymore. I can’t be.

I’m so tired of her. So tired of life in this house. I don’t see any good that she brings to this family. Or to the world. She has just been a leech. She’s been sucking the blood out of us for her entire life. I’m sick of it. Just sick of it.

Someday, I suppose.

But – this is my tragedy… my problem… I feel as though if I leave I am abandoning my mom. Leaving her alone with this bitch. How long will she survive?