*yawn*

I made it in a bit less time on the way back, but it seemed a lot shorter than the way there. It’s funny how things work like that.

Leaving was terrible. The girls were crying. Mika was just crying so much that I felt so bad! It really hurt me to see her like that. But I finally left and once I called her a bit later and heard she had fallen asleep I felt much much better. I talked to her a little while ago (after I got home) and she was good. Not crying. So I’m very, very glad about that. I’ll see her for Christmas! It’ll be very nice.

Tomorrow I start work. Yay for that.

Other stuff going on, but I’m so tired that I can’t do it.

Hello From Up North

Got another message from Matt about his thoughts on everything… we didn’t get a chance to talk about it though. I’m busy here and he’s on his own schedule and world. It’ll be figured out.

I got a new purse today – yay!

I’ve spend mucho time with the girls. I gave them a bath today – so now they are all nice and clean. They celebrated my birthday with me tonight. It was nice.

No present otherwise, though.

I’m soooo tired. It’s bed time I think. I might take my iPod with me though… get some music listening done as I go to sleep.

Good night, then.

Day One Complete

So I drove. Drove. Drove some more. The car stopped working at one point, momentarily. I made it in 4 hours and 45 minutes. With one stop for gas and to pee. Good drive. The girls were sleeping when I got here. Camila woke up and found me in the bathroom and it scared her. So she went crying back to her parents.

Sometime in the morning (around 6am) I wake up and find Mika standing over me. She had gone to the bathroom and found a bag and toothbrush she didn’t recognize. She went ot her dad and told him about these findings. He said, oh really? Go look on the couch. So she came here and found me. When I opened my eyes she jumped ontop of me and started giving me hugs and kisses. She was VERY surprised. Later on when Camila woke up she was good. She was a bit shy to begin with, but then she was fine.

I took Mika to school and Camila to RoseMarie’s. When Marga and I went to pick up Mika, she spotted us and came running. Marga reached down to be greeted by Mika but instead of going to her she came into my arms. It was nice for me. Not so nice for her mom.

Matt and I had a good conversation today. There was a problem… which I wasn’t too aware of. Feelings of his that he hasn’t expressed and so they boiled over at this point. But things are going alright. We both need to get jobs, save up money. And wait til next year. See how things go until then. The plan is to have me go visit in December, again.

What else can I talk about? I went to Thirfty Town with my sister and Mika today. I found Teacher Resource Books and Dr. Seuss books. I was excited about that. I want to go back, I think. I also want to go to the Salvation Army store in LA and see what they had. Hopefully it’ll be cheap as well.

I need to buy a new purse, mine is falling apart. I won’t be buying this same brand though… it cost me a lot and it didn’t last too long. I need something better. I think I want something with a zipper this time. But we’ll see what I can find.

New season of ER starts tonight. Yay for that! I saw House the other night and it was pretty good. I was very glad to see it.

Trip!

So I decided that I’m going to rent a car and drive up to visit the girls and my sister and Mike. I figure that I might as well. The rent is cheap (and my sister is going to pay for it anyway).

I need to cancel a few appointments first though.

I got an e-mail from Sallie Mae… asking me to call them about the loan application. I’ll do that tomorrow. Hopefully it’ll work. If not, I’m done. There is nothing more I can do. He can get a loan from England. I haven’t talked to him in about 2 days or so. Since Sunday night when he called.

Anyway… HOUSE premiere!

Eww.

My sweater smells. I don’t know why either. It was just in my room. *sigh* It’s cold though, so I have to wear it. I’ll wash it tonight.

So Difficult!

Why are things so difficult when it comes to loans? I have to fill out all this crap in order to get the loan that CSUN needs to certify. It’s not worth it at this point. Too much effort. So I’m applying for another one that doesn’t require certification.

Dead ends everywhere. I got a no for the credit card I applied, said that I didn’t have enough credit (even though I alreayd have a credit card from them….).

So it frustrates me to no end, of course.

My 3 hour class lasted only 1 hour today. So For the last 50 minutes I’ve been sitting here fighting with the Internet and getting information on loans.

David called and he apparently wants to take me to a concert for my birthday. Next week sometime. We’ll see. It’s weird, I think he thinks that there is more going on than just friends, because he trys to make clear that the girl that he “proposed” to will be in town but they don’t have anything going on, that they are just friends. I’m like… uh, okay. Thanks for the information.

I’m tired. I want things to just be done already. I want to have the money, have the house and have the marriage. I hate the waiting time.

Alas, I’m at school for another5 hours at least.

Yuck

I’m feeling quite yucky at the moment. I went out to Trader Joe’s with my mom just now and now that I am back I feel tired…overrun. I think I’m dehydrated more than anything. I can feel a headache coming on. I don’t know what to eat for dinner. I don’t feel like I have the energy to eat.

I also feel that once I have my own place it’s not going to be this way. I won’t be spending the entire day in bed. I’ll be more active. I’ve become bored and lazy from leading that type of life. Once I move out of the house I can leave that behind and go on with something that is more condusive to who I want to be.

Now… I want to close my eyes and sleep.

Hi people!

Matt called me last night. We talked for nearly an hour. It was REALLY nice. He said that he had a dream of me and he missed me, so that’s why he called. That made me smile.

Made me feel better all over, gave me a good feeling where I had started having bad ones. Distance. It sucks.

I’m getting more jobs babysitting, yay! Yesterday I made $80.

I should do some reading today – if not I’m going to end up not reading anything and that would suck. I might also do some work on the homework assignment, but we’ll see about that.

A nap sounds good… even if I just woke up.

One Tree Hill

I downloaded the last two episodes from last season, although I missed alot more than that. They were very good. Nothing really left for us to wait for for next season, but since next season doesn’t start until next year I can see why they did that. But watching it made me feel bad. I want to be back in high school and not have anything to worry about. I want to be carefree. But never again will I be that way. It’s sad. Maybe I should have had this feeling 5 years ago when I graduated high school… or maybe in December when I finished my BA… but it’s now.

Maybe I’m finishing my credential. I’m starting to student teach. I’m getting a subbing job. It’s all very overwhelming I think.

I have so much in my head that I don’t know which way to go. I need to stop worrying about things that I don’t have control over. I’ve been too worried and anxious lately… I need it to calm down and for things to go as they must and as they will. I need to concentrate on myself and on my work. I need to be a teacher.

I’m excited about it. For my management class we have to make a class management plan. He gave us a 4-5 page outline of things we need to include. I’ve started writing down the answers to the questions. It’s going to take a while. It’s not due for a couple of months. Doing it is good though. It basically is making me answer all the questions that I have about becoming a teacher in the management sense, which is a HUGE part of being a teacher. Without management you don’t have a class. I should have taken this class my first semester but it wasn’t offered and so I’m taking it now. I’m really happy with it. Having to write all these things down is getting me excited. It’s giving me perspective of actually having a class, having a career.

I have to wait up early tomorrow so that I can go off and babysit at 17 month old. Hopefully the rain will have stopped (it’s subsided now) so I can take her to the mall, have her play in the kids area… just walk around. The park will be wet, unfortunately. At least I’ll make a little bit of money. But at this point, I’m not sure if I care. I mean, I don’t want to have to get up early to go…. but such is life, right?

We went to Topanga today and we got our pictures taken at the Picture People, but we ended up getting one of just Nikki. She looks GREAT. Mom is going to give it to David for Nikki’s birthday. Then they will make Christmas cards out of it. Eventually I’ll post the picture.

Went to the dentist today and I have to have my bridge replaced. Imagine how much fun that will be. Although who knows if it will happen, the insurance might deny the claim. Because they consider it “cosmetic”. Having a hole in your mouth is only cosmetic. Lovely.

I’m feeling a bit down right now. I’m not sure exactly why, but I have an inkling. I don’t feel like talking about it right at this moment though.

I think that’ll be it for tonight.

RAIN!

Rain! Rain! Rain!

It’s raining! It’s a thunderstorm! I’ve seen several bright flashes of lighting and heard some thunder too! Sooooo cool! After each flash of lightning it rains harder.

This is a big storm – especially since we’re in SUMMER. Well, Fall starts in 2 days. I love it!

Unfortunately my car is going to be wet tomorrow. And tomorrow I’ll be stuck in a hotel with a 17 month old girl. I’m going to take a bag with reading and work. Maybe she’ll nap!